Hook, Line and Sinker

By Tony Hooker
According to an article from the January 7, 2021 issue of Newscientist.com, genetics have proven that dogs split from their canine ancestors between 27 and 40 thousand years ago. The oldest known dog burial site is over 14,000 years old; clear evidence that dogs had been domesticated at that point. 

It’s believed that during the ice age, a surplus of available meat was available to the human hunter gatherers, and that wolves fed on the excess, thus becoming used to human company. It’s also thought that during this time, humans adopted orphaned wolf pups as companions, and then began to utilize their skills as hunters for their mutual benefit. 

How these barely domesticated apex predators devolved into the coddled lap dogs of today is one of nature’s true wonders, at least to me. One thing is certain, there are a lot of doggies being kept as pets/companions in the US. According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, as of 2017, there were 76 million dogs in households across the US. 

To celebrate this union, this week, I’ve decided to interview Noodles Lee Hooker, one of two pampered pups in the Hook, Line and Sinker household.

Noodles, how did you come to live with your humans? 

I was just a pup, so the details are blurry, but apparently my mom human and girl human were shown a picture of me by my dad human’s cousin, Easy Rider when they visited deer camp about 10 years ago. They adopted me and the rest is history.

What is one of your pet peeves?

There seems to be some sort of twisted notion that I’m not smart. Let me tell you, I can take a leak wherever I want, my humans are mad for about 5 minutes and then all is forgiven. I never have to jump on the couch under my own power because all I have to do is backup and mom human picks me up. Early in the pandemic, when dad human was working from home, I played him like a fiddle, earning a meat treat each time I went outside and “did my business”. Does that sound ‘stupid’ to you? Problem was, he would usually have a bite of hot dog every time he gave me one, and we both swelled up like ticks and got put on a diet by a girl human. 

Do you have any siblings?

Yes, I have a step brother named Zeus. He’s without a doubt the most neurotic creature I’ve ever met. I don’t mean to brag, but he idolizes me so much that all I have to do is bark at nothing and he gets all riled up and runs to the door, even when I’m just messing with him. 

What are some of your favorite hobbies?

I like to lay beside my mom human on the love seat. Sometimes I pass gas that’s so noxious my girl-human has to run out of the room. That’s always good for a chuckle for Zeus and me. Speaking of Zeus, that crazy boy likes to be completely covered in blankets, even in summer. I sometimes wonder if oxygen starvation affected his cognitive abilities, because his elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor, if you know what I mean. 

Did you make any new year’s resolutions this year?

I did. I am determined not to snuffle around the kitchen like an anteater, looking for scraps of people food. It will be hard, because dad human is kind of sloppy when he cooks, and for over a year he shared all those meaty morsels with me but I’m going to try my hardest while I still have a shred of canine dignity. I’m also going to continue to love my humans unconditionally, just as they love me. 

Is there anything you would like to add?

I just want to wish everyone a happy new year, from our pack to yours.